I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
