walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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