I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize