you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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