I think I am morally bankrupt
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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