I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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