I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
