it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize