thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
