I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
