you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
