Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
