A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
