and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize