I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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