the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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