Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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