So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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