dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
