Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
