drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize