I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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