I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
