dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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