Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
