is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize