so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
