Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize