if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
