3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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