Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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