The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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