my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize