"it" just moved
Non-Jews are for practice
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
