i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
