No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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