Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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