Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
