Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
