I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
