there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
