she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
