I want to walk on stilts...naked
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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