I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
