when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
