You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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