Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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