I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
