Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I looked at my own cervix.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
