Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
