ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drunk is not a location!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
