my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
