I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
