Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We are all done wearing pants today
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
