So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
