So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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