Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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