Yo dont text me then not text me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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