It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He? As in you personified your dick?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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