He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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