I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
