i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
