and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
