at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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