oh god the rape fog is back!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
