do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
