I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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