How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
