see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
