i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
