We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
