I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
