the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
