yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
