somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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