I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
