I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
