This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My dad just said "fuck circus"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
