No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
