If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
