isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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