You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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